Pastor Evans was trying to talk the distraught man down from the 10th story window ledge when all at once the Emergent praise band at the church across the street began rehearsing “Jump” by Van Halen for next Sunday’s service…
Ricky singing: ♫ Jesus is my friend, yeah Jesus is a cool dude, yes Jesus is my homeboy ♪ ♫
John: Is that what you folks sing over to that Tumbleweed Community Church, Pilgrim?
Ricky: Yes, what are you, a pharisee or something…?
John singing: ♪ Rock of ages, cleft for me. Let me hide myself in Thee. Let the water and the blood, from Thy wounded side that flowed. Be of sin the double cure, cleanse from wrath and make me pure.
Ricky: Double cure…what’s that?
John: Just as I suspected… You stay away from those Emergent garden parties, young man.
Goober: Did you see that pitiful sound system at that church in Siler City?
Andy: Yeah, no Marshall stacks, no guitar effect pedals, no synthesizers, no strobe lights, no smoke bombs…no wonder they’re not a growing church, they lack all the vital stuff.