Tag Archives: Rick Warren
Introducing the newest and most effective Seeker Sensitive Church Plant idea ever! For only $19.95, you can become a senior pastor of your own Roller Coaster Church Plant. Kit includes construction plans for a roller coaster, signs for posting on uphill portion that give short limerick-style false Gospel presentation, closed circuit camera for capturing photos of the coaster riders with their hands raised thus becoming members of your church plant, and “Carnal Christian” t-shirts to give each rider as they exit the roller coaster so they won’t worry about knowing they are no different than when they got on. Order now and you will also get a nose piercing, crown of thorns tattoo, and an authentic pair of skinny jeans so you will rock their world. Those who order within the next 15 minutes will also receive a “John Piper says I am Doctrinal & Sound” bumper sticker and a “What Would Rick Warren Do” bracelet. Hurry! Place your order now!
“Why didn’t I think of this…every seat is an anxious bench” Charles Finney
“This idea is doctrinal & sound.” John Piper
“Sometimes, placing a person’s butt in a roller coaster seat and vowing not to let them get off until they make a decision for Christ can move a heart when the Gospel cannot.” Rick Warren
“Roller coasters are confusing…who can know what they mean?” Brian McLaren
Announcing Rick Warren’s own line of premium sunglasses. Eye-segesis brand sunglasses will cut through the glare you automatically drift into every time one of those Bible thumping preachers starts finding Jesus in every passage. Because everyone knows, the Bible is all about you! Don’t be taken as irrelevant by wearing those traditional shades… every Seekermergent needs a pair of Rick Warren’s Eye-segesis brand sunglasses. When you wear these babies, the Bible appears to say whatever is comfortable to YOU. Get yours today from any Seekermergent multi-campus megachurch lobby, new age bookstore, or Zondervan coffee house. Order by phone by calling 800-PIPER-SAYS-I’M-OK. Don’t get caught in your Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and flip flops next Sunday on the platform of your multi-campus megachurch preaching about uniting all faiths under one homogeneous umbrella without a pair of Relevant Rick’s own Eye-segesis brand sunglasses. UBU!