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Mega Shake (Humor)


Mega Shake (Humor)

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Posted by on March 4, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Emerging Lunacy (Satire)


The ministry team at Surgir Locura (formerly First Baptist Mennonite Church before converting to Emergent philosophy) donned pantomime regalia and performed a dynamic equivalence interpretation of 2Corinthians 12:7 to the tune of Poison’s rock-n-roll ballad Every Rose Has a Thorn… No one in the audience understood let alone gained any benefit from the dramatic display, however, the church was able to find a use for the white gloves they purchased for the handbell choir in 1968… 
 

 
Image borrowed from www.thereformedtraveler.wordpress.com . Caption by Truthinator. 
 
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Posted by on September 22, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Bakery (Satire)


The Emergent Bakery (Satire) by Wallace Revels      
 
 
Guy: I would like a muffin, please, do you have any?
 
Emergent Baker: One can never be sure…
 
Guy: Do you have a banana nut muffin?
 
Emergent Baker: That sounds a little dogmatic to ask if I have one. I prefer to have a conversation about muffins.
 
Guy: Uh, you sell muffins, right?
 
Emergent Baker: We provide an atmosphere where people can safely explore whether they can perceive if muffins exist without the ridicule and legalism of the traditional bakery.
 
Guy: Do you know how to make muffins…do you have a cookbook?
 
Emergent Baker: I prefer to meditate about the ingredients that make up a holistic muffin in my mind’s eye. We do not use that old, outdated, tradition-steeped cookbook used by the irrelevant traditional bakers. We prefer the Purpose Driven Chef and Your Best Baking Now. These offer much less restrictions to our sense of self expression in the kitchen. They also boost our sense of self-importance.
 
Guy: Look, spaceman, do you have a muffin or not?
 
Emergent Baker: That is not the real question. The real question is how to meet your felt need of desiring a muffin. We have found that replacing the tired old order & serve process with drama, relevant FM-type radio music, and impressive-looking teenage bakers calms the customers and keeps them coming back.
 
Guy: Coming back for what? I need something to eat!
 
Emergent Baker: There you go again. Your mentality is the reason why most traditional bakeries have gone out of business.
 
Guy: Never mind, I will get a pack of crackers at the office… A bakery that doesn’t bake is worthless!
 
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Posted by on August 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Do Emergents and Other Liberals Really Love One Another?


Emergents and liberals all talk the talk of love but do they walk the walk of love? Love, love, love and so it goes. We love each other so we don’t judge each other. We are not constrained by laws and rules, we just love. On and on and on it goes… But is it true?

According to surveys from reputable researchers, Emergents and liberals (as well as too many who claim to be traditional) fornicate almost as much as nonChristians, lie almost as much, steal almost as much, partake in alcohol & drugs almost as much, use worldly entertainment almost as much, and attend church almost as little. They also fail to honor God by not believing His word to be inerrant and infallible almost in equal percentages.

So, let’s just round it off by saying there is practically no difference between many who call themselves Christian and those who do not claim any association with Christ. Most of the Emergents and liberals today claim outright that they do not follow the rules of traditional beliefs. They openly rebel against traditional Biblical belief. They hide behind excuses like the Bible being too difficult to understand and not wanting to turn people away by clinging to rules and commandments.

Since little if any attempt is made by them to follow God’s law, we can assume by deduction that they do not really love anyone but themselves. Emergents and liberals only love numero uno. They love themselves. How could someone who loves his neighbor fornicate with them? This not only uses the other person for pleasure but also induces another to sin against God. Is this love? Hardly.

What about stealing from strangers and stores? Does this show love? No. What about lying? No love. What about the rebellion they show against their Christian counterparts? Not love either. What about the lust and coveting they show by their drive to attain all of the world’s power and prestige? Also not loving.

Not to mention their showing no love for God by breaking all of His laws continually…

Emergents and liberals do not love one another. It is simply noise. They use this love talk to quiet their consciences. Repent and cry out to God for salvation.

 
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Posted by on June 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Daily Truth Bible Study Acts 9:1-21 part 2


Daily Truth Bible Study   Acts 9:1-21 part 2 Bible Study Bible Study Acts

The doctrine of election. We are waist-deep in it so let’s continue. Where exactly does the Bible say that God sovereignly elects man? Well, I would point you to begin in Genesis and continue to Revelation. Throughout the Bible, God sovereignly does what He does…He  chooses whom He chooses…He hardens whom He hardens. Anything less would be our work of ‘making a decision’ to allow Jesus to be our Savior and to allow God to be the sovereign creator and Lord of all! 

I am waiting for the dust to settle…Ok. Now, let’s look at what we see and hear today. People believe and preach in some places that man makes a decision to follow Christ. And this is true to an extent. But, the main thing to understand is that man cannot make such a decision unless He is chosen by God.

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourself, it is the gift of God. Not by works lest anyone should boast.”

Some try to suggest that God selects those whom He knows will accept Him ultimately. This still suggests that man sovereignly chooses to allow God to be God. Man has some ability to be good, in other words.

The calamity of American society is that we are a self absorbed nation. We cannot fathom that we are not in control of everything. We even get to determine who God is and what He can and cannot do. Not! The Bible is not in harmony with American thought.

Man is dead in his sin. This death is total and complete. It is unalterable apart from God. The sinner cannot do anything about his condition. Psalm 14:1-3 sums this up precisely, “The fool has said in his heart, there is no God. They are corrupt, they have committed abominable deeds; there is no one who does good. The LORD has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. They have all turned aside, together they have become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.”

Ok, so much for man having some amount of goodness or ability to choose God. Let’s look at something Jesus said concerning the subject in John 6:37-40, “All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. This is the will of Him who sent Me, that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day.” And John 6:44 says, “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day.”

In the passage above, the crowds were following Jesus because He had fed them physical food. Jesus changes the direction of the conversation and teaches them what it really means to follow Him and who can and does follow Him. Those that God gave Him follows and stays secure in Christ. No one comes to Christ unless the Father draws them. Man does not come up with the idea nor does man have the impetus to do anything apart from God but to hate God and the things of God (refer back to the passage from Psalms). Romans 8:7 says that the carnal mind of man hates God and is not subject to God’s law nor does it have the ability to be.

God sovereignly chooses to save and whom to save. He is able and just in doing so because He is God. Saul is an example of one chosen by God.

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Posted by on October 22, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

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Is America Post-Christian? Hath the Glory Departed?


America is without a doubt the most materialistic and self-absorbed nation to have ever existed. Anyone disagree? I didn’t think so. Americans travel hundreds of miles to go to a rock concert or sports event, sit on hard bleacher seats in the broiling sun or falling snow, and stay up late regardless of needing to be at work the next day. Ask them if they went ot church last Sunday and they will say ‘no’ because the church is too far from home, the seats are uncomfortable, the temperature is too warm or cool, and they were too sleepy from a hard work week.

The irony is thicker than peanut butter.  

Some people are at least honest about the situation. They will say with pride that they do not want the traditional teaching of the orthodox Christian church because it is ‘out of touch’ with current trends.  I’m not saying I agree with them; I am saying that at least they are being honest.

To translate, most people will only tolerate a religion that gives them a stamp of approval for their lifestyle. “I’m in charge of my destiny” is the cry of this generation and the last several.

Ask an American to recount for you one of John Grisham’s novels, a poem of Robert Frost, a play by Shakespear, or a song by Lennon & McCartney and they will do so with no hesitation. Ask them to tell you a little something about the book of Romans and they will stare at you blankly.

 Have we been fooling ourselves about being a Christian Nation? I fear that maybe we have. If America was in court and the judge asked for evidence, would there be enough to prove that we are or have been a Christian Nation?

I’m not saying there are no Christians here. I am suggesting that we are a small minority however. Someone prove me wrong…

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Posted by on October 16, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

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