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Tag Archives: Music

Emergent Tolerance (Satire)


Emergent Tolerance: If you narrow-minded, straight-laced, Bible-thumping, bigoted, stuck-in-the-mud, traditionalists don’t want to get up and dance to our rock band, please turn on your flashlights and head for the door…after you leave your offering in the plate of course.

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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What Is Worship (Opinion)


Bill: Hey Hillary, isn’t it cool that we can hear all of our favorite rock & roll songs played in church each Sunday?

Hillary: Yeah but is that really worship?

Bill: It depends on what the definition of ” is ” is…

Opinion——  Is worship about our enjoyment? Or to the contrary, is it about what pleases and honors God?

 

 
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Posted by on February 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Shiver me Timbrels (Humor)


The contemporary praise band received a call from the senior pastor asking them to come prepared to soteriologically inspire but due to static on the call what they heard was to come dressed in scallywag attire…

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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We’re Not in Kansas Anymore (Humor)


The kids at Calvary Christian School ducked under their desks at the sound of a tornado approaching their school. It was later discovered however that what they actually heard was the church’s new contemporary praise band rehearsing in the auditorium…

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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King of Contemporary P&W (Satire)


Hank:  Did you boys hear all of that racket & commotion this morning at church? It was like a bomb
went off on the stage, I tell you what…

Dale:  Hank, that is what we contemporary worshippers call praise &
worship music.

Bill:  I kind of liked it when the guitar player set his guitar on fire while he played the solo to In-A-Godda-Da-Vida.

Boomhauer:  I tell you what, man, that ol’ boy, he played that, boom! ,   that wuz good…

 
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Posted by on June 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Radio Replacing Christian Radio?


I wrote several articles a while back about a radio station in the Miami area that bills itself as Christian but the content of the DJ discussion could best be labeled as culturally tolerant and traditional Christianity intolerant. As a brief reminder of previous content I have heard from this station over the years, once the morning DJ said he doubted the existence of eternal hell and encouraged a guy who claimed to believe in soul extinguishing (a Buddhist teaching), many times the morning team has staged skits and call-in contests with careless and disrespectful references to Jesus, and several instances where the morning crew totally mislead callers with answers to  questions that are much more new age than Christian in content.

Yesterday, I heard the morning guy tell a caller that he did not care for going to church! He said he preferred a more interactive experience where there was no “preacher yelling at me about how bad I am” but where someone would encourage and affirm him. Now I agree that yelling is not necessary but that is as far as I can agree with the morning DJ dude. People who are lost do not need to be affirmed and encouraged to remain lost. Immature Christians need to grow in conforming to the image of Christ and not to be affirmed and encouraged to remain novices. Nothing good can be accomplished with an “Anything goes, dude” mentality. Read 1 Corinthians if you do not believe me.

How immature and self-indulgent can you be?! I only want to hear good things about myself and I want someone blowing smoke into my ear about how great I am… Give me a break! The danger in this immature and culturally tolerant stuff lives in the fact that people on the radio claiming to be Christian carry some credibility. Others listen to the radio assuming they can trust what they hear to be true and beneficial to them. When Emergent garbage is spewed from people who are too immature themselves to be in Christian leadership, the result is confusion and even deception.

Look at the book of Acts. God’s people met together. The total truth about God’s grace through Jesus and why people need it was clearly discussed. When Peter, Paul, and others preached in the open square or in the synagogues, they confronted people about their sin and their need of the Savior. How else can lost people hear? God’s plan is for His people to take His message to the world. God never asked for anyone to encourage and affirm the lost or spiritually immature Christian to remain in their current state.

“Emergent Radio” is another example of what happens when all solid, doctrinal teaching gets removed from life. People become worldly in their thinking. To be Christian is not to simply ” be nice ” within your own self-defined concept of niceness. To be Christian is not to drift around on every wind of false doctrine that replaces truth from the Bible because it is more palatable to the flesh of the worldly.

Every town in America probably does not have an Emergent Radio like this one. However, I can guarantee you that every Christian radio station in America is under pressure to broaden their appeal and gain more monetary support.   The pressure comes from without even if it does not come from within. Increasingly, more stations are scuttling teaching programs in favor of continuous music. Also increasing is the extent to which the music being played on Christian radio merges with the current worldly culture. Much music remains solidly appropriate for honoring Christ but too much of it has shifted to a style-driven sound with lyrics that are indecipherable. Does sound alone honor God? Maybe or maybe not. It is above my paygrade to make that determination. Does recording otherwise worldly music and throwing in a casual reference to God or Jesus once in a while honor God? You be the judge based upon what scripture teaches about the glory of God and His Son who sits at His right hand in splendor. 

To downgrade or not to downgrade… that is the question facing America. How will she respond?

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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A West P&W Minister’s Confession (Humor)


 

Ricky singing:  ♫ Jesus is my friend, yea Jesus is a cool dude, yes Jesus is my homeboy ♪ ♫  

John: Is that what you folks sing over to that Tumbleweed Community Church, Pilgrim?  

Ricky: Yes, what are you, a pharisee or something…?  

Dean singing: ♪ Rock of ages, cleft for me. Let me hide myself in Thee. Let the water and the blood, from Thy wounded side that flowed. Be of sin the double cure, cleanse from wrath and make me pure.  

Ricky: Double cure…what’s that?  

John: Just as I suspected…

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Are Emergents Actually Christian?


Someone needs to ask this question so I suppose the Truthinator will be the one who does. Are adherents to the Emergent Church concept actually Christian? Hold the phone, Emergents, because I know you guys are ready to pounce with the oh so predictable, “Don’t judge lest ye be judged” gem. 

Here is why I ask this question. The hallmark of the Emergent situation is people do not like, appreciate, or connect to traditional Christianity. These people want hip music, stylistic interpretation rather than expository preaching, calming monologues in a performance vein rather than pulpit-pounding, erudite ego stroking rather than the conviction that comes from learning what the word of God says and etc.

Don’t deny it because you know it is true. Where is the proof? Look in the mirror. Ask yourself if this is true. You know that it is. Read the books and blogs from the Emergent gurus. Emergents want a more user friendly and inclusive community gathering instead of fellowship in Christ’s suffering. 

The reason I ask whether Emergents are really Christian is that most if not all of the driving force factors that build the Emergent movement are contrary to what the Bible says that God is and what He demands.  Keep reading.

Here are just a few but enough to cause serious consideration of my thesis.      1) Jesus – Sometimes he is heralded by Emergents but never as the Christ of the Bible. He is “JC”, “Rad Dude Jesus”, “Breakdancing Jesus”, or several others of a variety of fictitious manifestations. Even the Emergents who actually talk Jesus give Him attributes He doesn’t actually maintain and take away unpalatable ones (in their eyes) that are true.

 2) All inclusiveness – Everyone goes to Heaven regardless of what they believe or there is not even a Heaven at all and everyone dies and are gone from existence. Both of these ideas are common in Emergent “thinking” but neither are true because neither are found in the Bible.

3) This is the final point I will mention here but there are others. The Bible is not believed by ANY of the Emergents (do some research and you will find drift or even exodus from core Bible truth). Emergents replace, twist, spin, delete, and insert Bible teachings. All of which are prohibited by the Bible. I am not talking about disagreeing on gray areas such as exactly when the rapture of the Church will occur. I am speaking of items such as atonement, Christology, Soteriology, creation, Heaven, Hell, the reality of God, and so forth.

When people do not believe such foundational truths, they cannot be classified as belonging to that group who do believe. This is very simple. Let me give a quick example then I am out of here. Let’s say my neighbor claims to be an avid tennis player. I see him dressed in tennis clothes and carrying a racquet many times per week. Once at the courts, however, he doesn’t play tennis but plays cards with friends instead. Looking the part does not define the person.

The Bible defines several things about those who are called of God into eternal salvation.  A few of these include  falling upon Jesus as their only hope, changing to become new creatures (over time) in their inner beliefs and outward behavior, and producing lifestyle outcomes that resemble what the Bible teaches about the character and nature of God Himself.

Are Emergents actually Christian? Some may be but I am doubtful that many if any true Christians could stay in an environment that does not believe God’s word or truly worship Him. While it is above everyone’s paygrade to determine the validity of a person’s claim of belonging, the Bible is very clear that not all who make this claim actually belong. I encourage you to read up on what the Emergents believe. It will take some time but this is of vital importance. This movement is sweeping the country and many Emergents are influencing our young people daily. Counter error with truth; it is the only way.

 
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Posted by on June 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Frontier Struggles (Satire)


Walter: ” Dean, what happened to you?”

Dean: ” They roughed me up over at that church down the street.”

John: ” What did you do, take money from the plate?”

Dean: ” No, I just suggested they sing a hymn instead of another one of those praise choruses…”

 
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Posted by on May 11, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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