RSS

Tag Archives: Liberalism

A Trip to the Emergent Bank (Satire)


Imagine going to the bank and finding that it has taken on the Monty Pythonesque Emerging Church view of reality…

You: I would like to know my account balance, please.

Banker: Sure, I would love to have a conversation with you.

You: My balance?

Banker: I’m sure your intention is to have a substantial balance. How do you feel about your balance?

You: Could you PLEASE tell me my balance?

Banker: Balances are so black & white. They limit us and deter our growth. Who can possibly say exactly what your balance is?

You: Is there someone here who can tell me my balance?

Banker: We have found that simply having a conversation about your balance is sufficient for most people. Our survey data says that some people may not return to our bank if we talk in absolute terms.

You: Please close my account.

Banker: We’ve found that walking in the mist of the serenity of having an account can bring joy and peace to most people without ever crossing the fundamentalist line of talking about facts and figures. Who can say what a balance really means, anyway?

You: I’m outa here!

 
3 Comments

Posted by on August 31, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Emergent Bakery (Satire)


The Emergent Bakery (Satire) by Wallace Revels      
 
 
Guy: I would like a muffin, please, do you have any?
 
Emergent Baker: One can never be sure…
 
Guy: Do you have a banana nut muffin?
 
Emergent Baker: That sounds a little dogmatic to ask if I have one. I prefer to have a conversation about muffins.
 
Guy: Uh, you sell muffins, right?
 
Emergent Baker: We provide an atmosphere where people can safely explore whether they can perceive if muffins exist without the ridicule and legalism of the traditional bakery.
 
Guy: Do you know how to make muffins…do you have a cookbook?
 
Emergent Baker: I prefer to meditate about the ingredients that make up a holistic muffin in my mind’s eye. We do not use that old, outdated, tradition-steeped cookbook used by the irrelevant traditional bakers. We prefer the Purpose Driven Chef and Your Best Baking Now. These offer much less restrictions to our sense of self expression in the kitchen. They also boost our sense of self-importance.
 
Guy: Look, spaceman, do you have a muffin or not?
 
Emergent Baker: That is not the real question. The real question is how to meet your felt need of desiring a muffin. We have found that replacing the tired old order & serve process with drama, relevant FM-type radio music, and impressive-looking teenage bakers calms the customers and keeps them coming back.
 
Guy: Coming back for what? I need something to eat!
 
Emergent Baker: There you go again. Your mentality is the reason why most traditional bakeries have gone out of business.
 
Guy: Never mind, I will get a pack of crackers at the office… A bakery that doesn’t bake is worthless!
 
7 Comments

Posted by on August 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Decisionalism vs. Regeneration What does your church teach?


It is a modern-day epidemic. You will hear a preacher say something like,  “If you want to know you can have Heaven as your home, then ask Jesus into your heart” or “Raise your hand if you have made a decision to allow Jesus to be Lord of your life” or something similar but is this true? Sometimes, you will not even hear mention of the need for salvation. Instead you will hear a preacher say something like, ” We would love to have you as a part of our loving and thriving congregation, please sign the tear-out in your welcome kit and become a member today” or ” Your wonderful life could be made much more fulfilling by having Jesus in it; send a text to 2125LOVE and you will be assured of eternity in Heaven” but is this true?

In the clip of the Paul Washer sermon, you will hear Paul challenge some of the inaccurate and eternally damning assumptions made by too many people. Paul shares with us what the Bible really teaches about regeneration.

Who is a Christian? The one who confidently proclaims Christ but lives like the world or the one whose life changes 180 degrees for a Godly instead of worldly existence? God is the judge. Make sure on which side of the aisle you are standing.         (Thanks to www.illbehonest.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5bc8QU4h2w&feature=channel

Paul Washer Regeneration Salvation Repentence New Nature Evidence of Salvation Calvinism Transformation Carnal Christian Sin New Creature Church Worldly Decisionalism Easy Believism Saved Lost Eternity Heaven Hell God Jesus Cross
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 17, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Castro Gets it Right About Obama and the Nobel Farce


Fidel Castro lauds Nobel prize for Obama Sat Oct 10, 2009 10:45am EDT (Reuters)

Former Cuban leader Fidel Castro lauded the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize to U.S. President Barack Obama, saying on Saturday it was “a positive measure” that was more a criticism of past U.S. policies than a recognition of Obama’s accomplishments.

Castro said the prize made up for the blow Obama suffered last week when the International Olympic Committee awarded the 2016 Summer Games to Rio de Janeiro after Obama had flown to Copenhagen to pitch for Chicago, his adoptive hometown. The Nobel Committee announced on Friday that Obama had won the peace price for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.”

Op-Ed: It is very sad for Castro to get it right and the US media to get it all wrong! Look at the first paragraph where Fidel Castro says that the Nobel prize was more about “a criticism of past US policies than Obama’s accomplishments”. Have you heard this from the state media in the US? Probably not. I haven’t. It is the truth, however. Obama is a laughing stock around the world. Everyone gets it but the US.

It is a sad, sad day when we have to look to Castro for the truth…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 10, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Daily Truth Bible Study Acts 8:1-25 part 2


Daily Truth Bible Study  Acts 8:1-25  part 2

After reading the Bible text, lets continue with verse 5. Philip was in Samaria preaching Christ to the local people. His preaching was accompanied by signs and wonders via God’s power. Many heard, listened, and believed. These were apparently true conversions because verse 14 begins a section telling that Peter and John came to Samaria to lay hands on the believers so they would receive the Holy Spirit and they did.

However, there is mention of a sorcerer named Simon in this section as well. It seems as though he was not a true believer. Earlier in the Bible text, we see that Simon is a sorcerer who gave shows before the Samaritans and they thought him to be a great and powerful man…perhaps even a man of God. Remember that the Samaritans practiced a form of worship of the true God. This form was not without its problems but they were aware of the Old Testament writings and the fundamentals of the Jewish religion.

Simon was likely a practitioner of a combination of pseudo-science, magician’s tricks, and maybe even the occult. Once he encountered Philip, he saw that his tricks were no match for the real thing. He made a profession of belief and followed Philip but he was not a true convert. Watch what the text says in verse 18 and following. When Simon saw the Holy Spirit was received by those whom Peter and John laid hands upon, he asked to purchase with money the ability to confer the Holy Spirit.

Wow. How sad. I believe this confirms that Simon just didn’t get the picture of what was happening and why. He apparently wanted to be able to maintain a career being able to mesmerize an audience with a new trick in his toolkit. He thought the power of God could be manipulated for personal gain. Even back then, people saught to gain financially and self-righteously from God’s work.

In verse 20 of Acts 8, we see Peter sharply rebuke Simon for thinking God’s power could be bought! I presume that Simon was not a true believer since he was not struck dead like Ananias and Sapphira were in chapter 5. Ananias and Sapphira were true believers who tested God’s patience by lying to His Spirit for personal gain. Simon also saught personal gain but he apparently was not a true believer. Watch what Peter says next.

In verse 22, Peter tells Simon to repent for his wickedness and to ask for forgiveness. Peter also told Simon he was poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity. Simon’s response in verse 24 implies that he feared Peter’s words not so much for the conviction of God’s wrath but for fear of not having Peter’s favor. Simon may have had his own idea of what was occurring before him but apparently did not have grace through faith resulting in salvation.

There is no more mention of Simon. I see him as being similar to the rich, young ruler of  Mark 10:17-22. He wanted to ‘add Jesus to his already structured life’. He wanted to purchase a new way to make a living and be assured of power and prosperity. It could have been he was afraid of impending judgement as well. For some reason, there was no conversion. God did not grant it at this time.

This is an awesome and fearful subject. People going through the motions but not being saved. I will attempt to expand this subject a bit more in the next post.  May God bless the study of His word.

Bible Study Bible Study Acts Acts Acts Daily Truth Daily Truth Bible Bible Jesus Jesus Jesus Faith Faith Faith Acts Acts Acts Acts Acts Acts Acts Bible Study Bible ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV ESV
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 5, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,