Tag Archives: Joke
My wife told me to take the PC in for a check up but instead of taking it to the Geek Squad, I mistakenly took it to the Greek squad… Opa!
Roman Catholic talking scales: “For an Indulgence of $50, your weight gain will be absolved…”
Lutheran talking scales: ”There are at least 95 things you should not have eaten this week…”
Southern Baptist talking scales: “Raise your hand if you know deep down in your heart that you should not have eaten those pop-tarts this week and if you really mean it, you will be saved from weight gain…”
Freewill Baptist talking scales: “Last week you gained weight and this week you lost it again…”
Reformed Baptist talking scales: “Our scales were calibrated in AD70 and if your weight is not what you expected, it is because you have been listening to those heathen Dispensationalists again…”
Dispensational talking scales: “Don’t get left behind, believe that you can lose that weight and it will suddenly disappear from your thighs in the twinkling of an eye…”
Word Faith talking scales: “Claim that weight loss in the name of GEE-Zus and you will be slain in the GLO-ry. Now don’t forget to plant your seed money for next week…”
Emergent talking scales: “Numbers are so confusing. We’re not sure exactly what your current weight is but be assured that all weights are acceptable before Him or Her, if there is a God at all. Let’s have a conversation about your weight after the praise band cranks out a few secular songs at 120 decibels…”
Seeker talking scales: “Just buy my book in the lobby and follow these 4 steps to finding your purpose. Your weight will be your best weight now…”
A blonde goes into the post office and asks the clerk for 50 Christmas stamps. The clerk asks in what denomination he would prefer the stamps. “My goodness”, the blonde replied, “has it come to that? Give me 25 Southern Baptist, 10 Freewill Baptist, 8 Reformed Presbyterian, and the rest Pentacostal…”
Mayan King: “I ended the calendar on December 21, 2012. That’ll freak someone out someday…”
Gentlemen, I have done it. Whereas our primogenitors translated the sacred scriptures from Latin to English so that all could gain access, I have opened a new door of access to the young & disinterested of today for I have translated the scriptures from English into Pig Latin… ets-Lay arty-Pay!
Image borrowed from Calvinistic Cartoons. Caption by Truthinator.
Were Milli Vanilli preMilli, postMilli, or aMilli…? Inquiring minds want to know.