Tag Archives: John Wayne
Ricky singing: ♫ Jesus is my friend, yeah Jesus is a cool dude, yes Jesus is my homeboy ♪ ♫
John: Is that what you folks sing over to that Tumbleweed Community Church, Pilgrim?
Ricky: Yes, what are you, a pharisee or something…?
John singing: ♪ Rock of ages, cleft for me. Let me hide myself in Thee. Let the water and the blood, from Thy wounded side that flowed. Be of sin the double cure, cleanse from wrath and make me pure.
Ricky: Double cure…what’s that?
John: Just as I suspected… You stay away from those Emergent garden parties, young man.
The Cru trainee uttered those words that were not allowed in the John Wayne Calvin household…”God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life”
Thanks to Calvinistic Cartoons for the image.
Dean: That cow poke in the bar called me a saboteur so I spit rock gut in his eye.
Ricky: Cool off, Dean. What he called you is a Sabellian.
John: Also known as Modalism…a heresy found in pentacostal circles. They believe God moves from one person to the next but does not exist simultaneously as Father, Son, and Spirit.
Dean: Well now I’m really steamed because I’m a Wesleyan Arminian…
You might be interested to know, Pilgrim, that I believe there is a sin unto death… and touching my toupee is one of them.
Dean: John, I’m gonna slug that gunslinger over there. He associated me with those nuts that say Obama was born in Kenya.
John: Relax Dean. He didn’t call you a “birther”, he called you a “Barther”… someone associated with the teachings of Karl Barth, the swiss Theologian, who emphasized the importance of revelation in its focus upon Christ.
John: But now that you mention it, didn’t Obama attend college as a foreign student who claimed Indonesian citizenship?
“I told you last week, pilgrim, we don’t cotton to new-fangled geetar and praise tunes here at King James Only Baptist Church. Now when that gunshot in your gut heals, you lead us in some hymns…”
Deacon John was more creedal than relational but he always got his point across.
John: I know there’s some Emergents around here. The stench of Universalism is in the air.
Dean: I wouldn’t be surprised. There’s so little Bible knowledge around that people are fallin’ for false teachin’ left and right.
Ricky: There a stranger in town from the southern Californy territory givin’ out tickets to a Garden Party… I hear the Jonas Brothers will be singin’.
John: You stay away from those Emergent garden parties, pilgrim.