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Tag Archives: John Wayne

Prairie Protestantism (Humor)


Dean:  I’m as mad as a wet prairie dog. That  gunslinger in the saloon called me a septuagenarian & I’m not even 40…

Ricky:  Calm down, Dean. What he called you is a semi-pelagian.

John:  Ah yes, those who think they can make the first move in seeking God for salvation. It is a heresy that robs God of sovereignty.

Dean:  Well now I’m really steamed because I am a 5-point Calvinist and I keep a pot of TULIPs on my mantle at all times…

 
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Posted by on February 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Western Minister’s Confession (Humor)


Ricky singing:  ♫ Jesus is my friend, yeah Jesus is a cool dude, yes Jesus is my homeboy ♪ ♫

John: Is that what you folks sing over to that Tumbleweed Community Church, Pilgrim?

Ricky: Yes, what are you, a pharisee or something…?

John singing: ♪ Rock of ages, cleft for me. Let me hide myself in Thee. Let the water and the blood, from Thy wounded side that flowed. Be of sin the double cure, cleanse from wrath and make me pure.

Ricky: Double cure…what’s that?

John: Just as I suspected… You stay away from those Emergent garden parties, young man.

 
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Posted by on August 31, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Door-to-Door Witnessing Can be Dangerous (Humor)


The Cru trainee uttered those words that were not allowed in the John Wayne Calvin household…”God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life”

Thanks to Calvinistic Cartoons for the image.
 
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Posted by on August 4, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Front Porch Theology (Humor)


Dean:  That cow poke in the bar called me a saboteur so I spit rock gut in his eye.

Ricky:  Cool off, Dean. What he called you is a Sabellian.

John:  Also known as Modalism…a heresy found in pentacostal circles. They believe God moves from one person to the next but does not exist simultaneously as Father, Son, and Spirit.

Dean:  Well now I’m really steamed because I’m a Wesleyan Arminian…

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Sin Unto Death (Humor)


You might be interested to know, Pilgrim, that I believe there is a sin unto death… and touching my toupee is one of them.

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Barther (Humor)


Dean:   John, I’m gonna slug that gunslinger over there. He associated me with those nuts that say Obama was born in Kenya.

John:   Relax Dean. He didn’t call you a “birther”, he called you a “Barther”… someone associated with the teachings of Karl Barth, the swiss Theologian, who emphasized the importance of revelation in its focus upon Christ.

John:   But now that you mention it, didn’t Obama attend college as a foreign student who claimed Indonesian citizenship?

 
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Posted by on May 9, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Praise & Worship… Old West Style (Humor)


eldorado

Robert: “Wow, that man is playing the guitar with his teeth and then behind his back.”

John: “That’s our new P & W pastor. Wait ’til he breathes fire! He darned near burned my toupee off my head last week.”

 
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Posted by on January 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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High Caliber P&W (Humor)


“I told you last week, pilgrim, we don’t cotton to new-fangled geetar and praise tunes here at King James Only Baptist Church. Now when that gunshot in your gut heals, you lead us in some hymns…”

Deacon John was more creedal than relational but he always got his point across.

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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I Can Smell Trouble (Humor)


 

John:  I know there’s some  Emergents around here. The stench of Universalism is in the air.

Dean: I wouldn’t be surprised. There’s so little Bible knowledge around that people are fallin’ for false teachin’ left and right.

Ricky: There a stranger in town from the southern Californy territory givin’ out tickets to a Garden Party… I hear the Jonas Brothers will be singin’.

John: You stay away from those Emergent garden parties, pilgrim.

 
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Posted by on September 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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