RSS

Tag Archives: John Piper

New Seeker Sensitive Church Plant Idea (Satire)


 

Introducing the newest and most effective Seeker Sensitive Church Plant idea ever! For only $19.95, you can become a senior pastor of your own Roller Coaster Church Plant. Kit includes construction plans for a roller coaster, signs for posting on uphill portion that give short limerick-style false Gospel presentation, closed circuit camera for capturing photos of the coaster riders with their hands raised thus becoming members of your church plant, and “Carnal Christian” t-shirts to give each rider as they exit the roller coaster so they won’t worry about knowing they are no different than when they got on. Order now and you will also get a nose piercing, crown of thorns tattoo, and an authentic pair of skinny jeans so you will rock their world. Those who order within the next 15 minutes will also receive a “John Piper says I am Doctrinal & Sound” bumper sticker and a “What Would Rick Warren Do” bracelet. Hurry! Place your order now!

“Why didn’t I think of this…every seat is an anxious bench” Charles Finney

“This idea is doctrinal & sound.” John Piper  

“Sometimes, placing a person’s butt in a roller coaster seat and vowing not to let them get off until they make a decision for Christ can move a heart when the Gospel cannot.”  Rick Warren 

“Roller coasters are confusing…who can know what they mean?”  Brian McLaren

 
5 Comments

Posted by on August 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Oh Dear (Humor)


John Piper was recently being grilled in a press conference for befriending Mark Driscoll, Rick Warren, & for tweeting an alarmingly universalist-sounding stance on Muslims, Jews, and Christians so he decided to take a question from a 4 year-old girl sitting in the front row. She asked what he would look like as a deer and this was his response…

 
3 Comments

Posted by on January 20, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Has John Piper Lost His Mind?


What? Uh, what? Is John Piper crazy or is he bowing to the idol of inclusivism? Allah is a demon and the Jews try to get to God without His son, Jesus. The Bible teaches there is one God and one way to get to Him. Like it or lump it, that is the way it is… it sounds like Rick Warren’s influence is having an effect.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on January 19, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Doctrinal & Sound (Satire)


John Piper is pictured trying to cause a book on a table to levitate. His thinking behind this stunt is that if he can make Rick Warren look ‘doctrinal & sound’ then he can probably do just about anything…

 
2 Comments

Posted by on August 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

The Piper at the Gates of Saddleback (Satire)


Piper whispering to Warren:   I’m working really hard to convince folks that you are doctrinal & sound. Please do like the lions in the den and keep your mouth shut…

Why would someone like Piper go to such effort to convince others that Warren is “doctrinal & sound” ? Any ideas?

 
6 Comments

Posted by on August 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Tis so Sweet to Tweet… (Humor)


 

Piper:   I just tweeted, “Farewell, Rob Bell”. If you don’t distance yourself from those new-age Bhagwans you consulted for your diet plan, you’re next…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on July 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Piper at the Gates of Saddleback (Satire)


Piper whispering to Warren:   I’m working really hard to convince folks that you are doctrinal & sound. Please do like the lions in the den and keep your mouth shut…

 
1 Comment

Posted by on May 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Truthinator’s Response to a Rick Warren Tweet


Op-Ed by the Truthinator:

 Actually, heresy is “opinion or doctrine at variance with the orthodox or accepted doctrine, esp. of a church or religious system” according to dictionary.com . This is classic Rick Warren…change what you don’t like into what you would prefer to be true and call it truth.

 Other Warren classics include, “sin is what causes you to be unfulfilled” and “sometimes a song or a touching story can move a heart when the Gospel cannot”.

 Heresy is the repackaging of God’s redemptive story into a pragmatic, post-modern, money-making, ego-inflating, myopic, utopian soliloquy and ensconcing it in the mega, 3-ring, multiplex, entertain-o-rama church! Taking out the message of God’s word and replacing it with bits and pieces of self-help, eastern religion, new age, roman catholicism, mysticism, universalism, and classic liberal protestantism all spun into non-offensive, post-modern, ADHD gobblygook… this is heresy.

 Just because you tweet it, that don’t make it so. John Piper may think Warren is “doctrinal and sound” but if you spend some time reading his books, listening to his sermonettes, and reading up on his friends and influencers in the “faith”, you will come away with a different opinion.

 The truth man gets a little cranky sometimes when he sees this “spin the bottle and call what falls out truth” stuff coming from the left coast.

 To correct Warren, truth is truth. It cannot be otherwise or it would not be truth. I would tend to think that the improper handling of truth would be the fault of the practitioners which is probably the point he was trying clumsily to make. However, truth is not called into question simply because someone may not correctly deploy it. Truth also does not depend upon its reception. Everyone in the world could unite against God’s word and that would not render a single jot or tittle null or void! The book of John equates Jesus Christ with God’s word when it says, “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. ” Handle God’s word well and with great effort and struggle; however, the mishandling of God’s word still has no power to leave it anything less than completely and totally true! 

 Be careful of this guy and his cohorts in the Seeker and Emergent movements. This is a dangerous crowd.   


 
4 Comments

Posted by on January 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Daily Truth Bible Study Acts 11:1-30 part 2


Notice in verse 19 how believers had scattered to far away places as a result of the persecution that arose concerning Stephen’s ministry. Notice particularly that despite Stephen being killed by the Jewish religious leaders, the spreading of the good news of Jesus continued and increased! The scattering of some resulted in the Gospel being taught in new and different places. The work of God had not been halted, it had increased!

Notice also in verse 20 how it was the Lord Jesus that was being preached to the locals. It was not felt-needs, pop psychology, how to improve your sex life, prosperity now, or any other such madness. They were preaching the Lord Jesus. The result was that the hand of the Lord was with them and a great number believed and turned to the Lord (verse 21).

This is not the first time we have seen this formula (if we can call it that). The disciples of Jesus took His message to people and the Lord’s hand blessed this activity resulting in many believing and being saved. Wow, so simple yet so profound…why is this so hard to understand? Why do so many today put on entertainment extravaganzas each week to entertain men producing little if any lasting changes in their lives and call it ministry?

The book of Acts makes it amazingly simple and easy to understand. Faithful men preach the Lord Jesus to unbelievers. God blesses this activity. Many believe and are changed. Any questions?

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on May 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Daily Truth Bible Study Acts 11:1-30 part 1


After Peter returned to Jerusalem, he was confronted by the other apostles and brothers in Christ. They were probably partially in shock that the Holy Spirit had fallen upon gentiles and that Peter had gone in and stayed with gentiles for fellowship. Traditions and customs run deep. Some of the jewish believers may have understood how a gentile could be saved but equal in Christ with jews…? No way!

The Bible says all men come from Adam. We are all related when to you go back far enough. Still, mankind is ‘determined to segregate based upon myriads of reasons. Peter carefully explained how God had shown him not to call unclean what God had cleansed. Notice verse 18. Once Peter explained what had happened in total, the others said,  “Well, OK then” (my paraphrase).  Actually scripture says that they glorified God and said He had also granted repentance unto life to the gentiles.

I’m sure they were amazed but notice that they dropped their traditions and prejudice. Peter told them what had happened and they adjusted their course accordingly.

We should be ready to do the same. We carry a toolkit full of traditions and prejudices every day. Reading the Bible will disarm these in our lives. When we read what the Bible says, we should drop our traditions and fall in line with scripture. All men come from Adam. God has considered all men cleansed as far the opportunity to be saved in Christ Jesus. Those whom God will save is not known to us. We must reach out to ALL with the Gospel.

When we (Americans) see TV images of people in Haiti, Africa, American poverty areas, third-world countries, and etc, how do we react? Hopefully with compassion. What did we do to deserve God’s blessing of prosperity? Nothing. God bestowed it. Let’s use what God has given us for His glory. How much do we really need that fancy dinner and movie this weekend? Could we donate the money we would have spent to a worthy cause?  You answer this question…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 23, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,