Tag Archives: Calvinist
Meet the latest in Calvinist garage-style church praise bands: Guns ‘n TULIPs Welcome to the jungle…
A small skirmish broke out in the ticket line for a Chris Tomlin concert when Arminian fans claimed they kept losing their place in line. Calvinist fans had no sympathy for them stating that once-in-line-always-in-line. Emergent fans weren’t sure what all the fuss was about since they couldn’t be sure if there really was a ticket line considering the fact that no one needed a ticket anyway since everyone’s after-line experience would turn out the same…
Note to readers: The timing on this bit is a little tricky considering the recent riots in England. This post has absolutely nothing to do with that news topic. This is about the differences in perspectives of several groups of ‘Evangelical Christians”. The backdrop of civil unrest is simply coincidental with the current news in England.
The Cru trainee uttered those words that were not allowed in the John Wayne Calvin household…”God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life”
Thanks to Calvinistic Cartoons for the image.
Use Calvin Communications and hear that efficacious call with crystal clarity. We don’t drop calls like those Arminian telephone companies. With Calvin Communications it’s once connected always connected! Exercise your freewill and choose Calvin Communications. We’re predestined to be your telephone company!
Predestined to be the best movie of the year! Answer the efficacious call & decide to go to the nearest theater and see this movie. It is chocked full of action, thrill, and misadventure. See the Arminians hit, miss, then hit their targets again… Watch as the Cowboys shoot and the Arminians decide whether or not to duck… It’s a thrill a minute. Now showing at theaters everywhere! Be a Daisy & see this movie…“I’m not sure if this is a good movie or not”- John Wesley Hardin “I see that hand so I know it’s a good movie”- Charles Finney “Those Arminians are pushing up TULIPs”- John Wayne Calvin
Angie: Wow, Ron… where did all of this money come from.
Ron: It is the result of my Trickle-Down Economics program. I’ll bet you George HW Bush doesn’t call it voodoo economics any longer!
Angie: Wow, that’s alot of money.
Ron: Yes, it’s seed money for the new Jeanne Dixon library that Nancy is planning to build…
Angie: Ron, why do you have so much money stashed away?
Ron: Nancy’s horoscope said to plan for extremely high inflation in the future when a muslim president would crash our economy.
Angie: That sounds more like Nostradamus…
Angie: Ron, I don’t believe it!
Ron: It’s true, I’m afraid. It’s called the Calvin Code. John Calvin’s picture was secretly removed from all US dollars and replaced with that 33rd degree Arminian, George Washington…
Angie: Why is all of this money in Rick Warren’s office safe, officer Ron?
Ron: It’s 10% of his “Purpose Driven” royalties… he hopes it will keep him out of Purgatory.
Angie: Why do you and Nancy keep so much money in your home safe, Ron?
Ron: We’re Arminians and we keep losing it…then getting it back…and losing it again…
Higgins: Magnum, I have decided to work in sync with God to bring about my justification.
Magnum: Higgins, you must drop those Anglican roots of yours and receive God’s sovereign grace. Are you familiar with the Solas?
Higgins: Yes, the Solas are members of my polo club…