A Trip to the Emergent Bank (Satire)

31 Aug

Imagine going to the bank and finding that it has taken on the Monty Pythonesque Emerging Church view of reality…

You: I would like to know my account balance, please.

Banker: Sure, I would love to have a conversation with you.

You: My balance?

Banker: I’m sure your intention is to have a substantial balance. How do you feel about your balance?

You: Could you PLEASE tell me my balance?

Banker: Balances are so black & white. They limit us and deter our growth. Who can possibly say exactly what your balance is?

You: Is there someone here who can tell me my balance?

Banker: We have found that simply having a conversation about your balance is sufficient for most people. Our survey data says that some people may not return to our bank if we talk in absolute terms.

You: Please close my account.

Banker: We’ve found that walking in the mist of the serenity of having an account can bring joy and peace to most people without ever crossing the fundamentalist line of talking about facts and figures. Who can say what a balance really means, anyway?

You: I’m outa here!


Posted by on August 31, 2010 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “A Trip to the Emergent Bank (Satire)

  1. thereformedtraveler

    August 31, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    I guess this explains Warren’s recent Tweet, “The Gospel isn’t meant to be doctrine that we debate but good news we announce! While believers debate, the world is dying!” The bankers last statement- excellent, sums it all up!

  2. Truthinator

    August 31, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Yes, Traveler. It is odd the timing of Relevant Rick’s most recent foot-in-mouth episode and this banker bit that was written several years ago…

    Rick says some stupid things via twitter… I tell you, the twiiter in the hands of post-modern ADHD types is a dangerous thing.

  3. thereformedtraveler

    August 31, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    You are so right. R. Rick says some real lu lu’s. Maybe R. Rick reads your blog and picks up on this stuff, then posts accordingly on twitter, ’cause he thinks it’s real….he’s delusional anyway, so just a thought. Enjoyed the post, even if it is several years old…your a man before your time…gosh, maybe even a prophet of satire!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: