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Tag Archives: Purpose Driven Life

Church du Soleil (Sarcasm)


The senior pastor juggles the 5 points of postmodern pragmatism for his mesmerised crowd because, after all, sometimes a man wearing a snazzy vest while juggling can move a heart when the Gospel cannot…

 
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Posted by on July 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Reforming the Reformation (Sarcasm)


Hold on, hold on… now you Bible thumpers in the audience have to learn the Purpose Driven concept of thinking outside the box. That way, when I preach from outside the Bible, you won’t be so offended…

 
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Posted by on May 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Bakery (Satire Re-post)


      
  
Guy: I would like a muffin, please, do you have any?
 
Emergent Baker: One can never be sure…
 
Guy: Do you have a banana nut muffin?
 
Emergent Baker: That sounds a little dogmatic to ask if I have one. I prefer to have a conversation about muffins.
 
Guy: Uh, you sell muffins, right?
 
Emergent Baker: We provide an atmosphere where people can safely explore whether they can perceive if muffins exist without the ridicule and legalism of the traditional bakery.
 
Guy: Do you know how to make muffins…do you have a cookbook?
 
Emergent Baker: I prefer to meditate about the ingredients that make up a holistic muffin in my mind’s eye. We do not use that old, outdated, tradition-steeped cookbook used by the irrelevant traditional bakers. We prefer the Purpose Driven Chef and Your Best Baking Now. These offer much less restrictions to our sense of self expression in the kitchen. They also boost our sense of self-importance.
 
Guy: Look, spaceman, do you have a muffin or not?
 
Emergent Baker: That is not the real question. The real question is how to meet your felt need of desiring a muffin. We have found that replacing the tired old order & serve process with drama, relevant FM-type radio music, and impressive-looking teenage bakers calms the customers and keeps them coming back.
 
Guy: Coming back for what? I need something to eat!
 
Emergent Baker: There you go again. Your mentality is the reason why most traditional bakeries have gone out of business.
 
Guy: Never mind, I will get a pack of crackers at the office… A bakery that doesn’t bake is worthless!
 
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Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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It’s The Emergent Church As We Know It…and it feels fine (Satire)


Do you guys remember the song by REM called “It’s the end of the world as we know it”? I have written a little ditty that has a similar tune… 

 

Brian McLaren, Rob Bell

Universalism, no Hell

replace the Bible, PDL

appearance fees, sell sell

no hymns, praise band

nobody takes a stand

it’s the Emergent Church as we know it and it feels fine…

 

Mark Driscoll, soul patch

cussin’ preachers, there’s a catch

Calvinism?, no match

Neo-reformed?, down the hatch

Doug Pagitt,  what a shame

Everyone’s afterlife turns out the same?

It’s the Emergent Church as we know it and it feels fine…

 

Rick Warren, on the mound

Jonas Brothers, provide the sound

felt needs, no Bible found

what happened to dinners on the ground?

curve balls, to the flock

Angel Stadium, God is mocked

it’s the Emergent Church as we know it and it feels fine…

 
3 Comments

Posted by on March 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Road Sign Shows Way to Heaven (Humor)


Emergent road sign shows way to Heaven…

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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