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Tag Archives: Emerging Church

The Emergent Bible (Humor)


First, there was the Living Bible, then the Message, now B.L.Z. Bubb Publishing House introduces the Emergent Bible! This baby is blank from page 1 to page 1659. You don’t have to worry about giving up anything when you follow this version. When approached by a Calvinist concerning the total depravity of man, you can truthfully say that your Bible doesn’t mention depravity. Help an Arminian friend who is concerned about losing his salvation (again). Your Bible doesn’t mention salvation at all. Better yet, write your own text! Divorce, adultery, fornication… no problem! For only $19.95 you can make it up as you go along with the Emergent Bible. Sold everywhere Love Wins, A Generous Orthodoxy, and other such felt-needs classics are sold…  

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Sgt. Relevance


The pastoral team at Seeking Relevance Church donned Sgt. Pepper regalia and quoted Beatles lyrics in an effort to reach their self-absorbed gen X audience. All was going well until Pastor Rob almost choked on a loosened tooth veneer during his “goo goo g’joob” part of I am the Walrus…

 
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Posted by on November 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Road Sign Shows Way to Heaven (Humor)


Emergent road sign shows way to Heaven…

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Expositional Sermonette (Satire)


Emergent Expository Sermonette:

” Wow, man, like Jesus is Awesome. Whoa, dudes, He is killer, man. You know what I mean? It’s like, He’s da bomb and all that. He’s crazzzy, man. Somewhere in the Bible (or maybe it was Joel Osteen’s book) it says something like He don’t care which religion you are from or something like that… He just has an awesome plan for your life and will fulfill all of your dreams, dudes. Now let’s pray…”

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Railroad Crossing (Satire)


Discerning Passenger: Dude, there’s a train coming. Don’t drive onto the tracks!

Emergent Driver: Whoa, man. You are sooo negative! Lighten up, dude. That train is in YOUR reality, not mine. I see nothing but clear blue sky.

Discerning Passenger: Stop, dude! The train will hit us!

Emergent Driver: Your dogmatic, absolute truth stance is the reason you have few friends. Relaaaax, man. Enjoy life…

Discerning Passenger: This is not an opinion, the train is REAL!

Emergent Driver: Dude, truth is only valid if it is well-received by your audience. I am texting pastor Zed to tell him what a zero you are. He says  never let truth get in the way of viewing life through the monist hologram construct where I find my inner peace.

Discerning Passenger: I’m bailing out…

Emergent Driver: You’re stuck in the 1900s, dude. I choose to be relevant to today’s culture……….CRASH

 
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Posted by on October 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Relevance in Action (Humor)


Pastor Bob replaced this week’s sermon with a knife throwing act in order to be more relevant to his flock. His point was to accomplish a dynamic equivalence takeoff on the Word of God being sharper than any two-edged sword. As a side note, P&W singer Sandy Weaver was already dressed to serve as Bob’s assistant  since the musical theme for this week’s service was the Village People…
 
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Posted by on October 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Important! Visit www.apprising.org now!


Go to Ken Silva’s site now to view several expose’ pieces about the emergents and those who promote their deception. Ken does a great job of exposing the seeker and emergent apostates  www.apprising.org . Thanks.

Truthinator

 
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Posted by on September 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Emerging Lunacy (Satire)


The ministry team at Surgir Locura (formerly First Baptist Mennonite Church before converting to Emergent philosophy) donned pantomime regalia and performed a dynamic equivalence interpretation of 2Corinthians 12:7 to the tune of Poison’s rock-n-roll ballad Every Rose Has a Thorn… No one in the audience understood let alone gained any benefit from the dramatic display, however, the church was able to find a use for the white gloves they purchased for the handbell choir in 1968… 
 

 
Image borrowed from www.thereformedtraveler.wordpress.com . Caption by Truthinator. 
 
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Posted by on September 22, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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I Can Smell Trouble (Humor)


 

John:  I know there’s some  Emergents around here. The stench of Universalism is in the air.

Dean: I wouldn’t be surprised. There’s so little Bible knowledge around that people are fallin’ for false teachin’ left and right.

Ricky: There a stranger in town from the southern Californy territory givin’ out tickets to a Garden Party… I hear the Jonas Brothers will be singin’.

John: You stay away from those Emergent garden parties, pilgrim.

 
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Posted by on September 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Daily Truth Bible Study Acts 13:1-12 part 2


Last time we saw the early church in Antioch fasting and praying and ministering to the Lord. The Holy Spirit called for Paul and Barnabas to be separated from the others to take the message to the gentiles.

Let’s talk for a moment about a Spirit-filled church. Many times we hear folks refer to themselves as a Spirit-filled church. The proof they offer can be the handling of snakes without getting bitten, the speaking of tongues, the manifestation of various healings and miracles… and so forth. But, what is a Spirit-filled church, really?

John MacArthur says that a Spirit-filled church is one in which its members walk in obedience to the will of God. God reveals His will through scripture so a Spirit-filled church will be deeply committed and obedient to the word of God. An examination of Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 shows how being filled with God’s Spirit and allowing the word of God to richly dwell in one’s life produce same outcome.

I’m afraid at this point that I must detour for a moment in order to hit upon an important topic. Many people today talk about “God showed me” or “God spoke to me and told me” and other such things. These things that “God spoke or showed” usually result in you being asked to send money to the one who received the revelation. Don’t do it! God reveals Himself in His word. Every claim of revelation or inspiration must be thoroughly examined against what is taught in scripture.

There is also a rising tide of false teaching existing today. Much Emergent, Prosperity, Word of Faith, Roman Catholic, New Age, and other teachings are competing against the truth. And since the word of God is not richly dwelling in the lives of people, many are falling headlong into deception.

Our scripture today shows an excellent example of this. Verse 6 says that Paul and Barnabas had been across and throughout the entire island of Cyprus preaching and teaching Jesus. Luke makes a point, however, of mentioning this next bit of information as opposed to anything else that occurred on Cyprus. A local Roman official, Sergius Paulus, summoned Paul and Barnabas so that he could hear their message.

Luke notes that Sergius Paulus was a man of intelligence.  His job as a local leader would have required him to learn of the teachings of traveling evangelists. He doubtlessly kept himself informed of all the news about the happenings in his area.  The scripture seems to insist, however, that this man was interested on a deeper level that simple curiosity about Paul and Barnabas. Regardless of his reason, he seeks to hear from God’s men.

Now note how the proconsul is flanked by a messenger of Satan. A Jewish false prophet named Bar-Jesus. I remember in school when studying math that sometimes a problem would have variable noted as A and another noted as Bar A (A with a bar above it). There was a huge difference between the value of the A and the Bar A. As a matter of fact, there was no relation at all between A and Bar A.

There was also no relation at all between Jesus (the real and only Son of God) and Bar-Jesus (a false prophet of Jewish descent). This Bar-Jesus was attached to the proconsul for some reason. Scripture says that Bar-Jesus (also known as Elymas which was a Greek word for magician) opposed Paul and Barnabas. He tried to stop them from giving the word of God concerning Jesus Christ to the proconsul.

We are told in Ephesians 6 that ” our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Telling someone about Jesus will be met with resistance by the enemy forces because hearing the gospel message is the method God uses to call His elect unto Himself. ” Faith comes from hearing the word of God” we are told in Romans 10.

So Paul and Barnabas are opposed outwardly by Bar-Jesus but spiritually, they are opposed by Satan and/or his emissaries. This is very important to understand. I will end today’s lesson with this truth and pick up next time with it as a reminder. Giving someone the word of God about  salvation through Jesus is not an academic exercise where someone simply weighs the information intellectually and makes a decision. Heaven and hell are in a struggle that God allows to take place when someone is confronted with the gospel. We will look more deeply into this in the part 3 of this text.

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Posted by on September 18, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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