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Tag Archives: Emerging Church

The Emergent Bible (Humor)


First, there was the Living Bible, then the Message, now B.L.Z. Bubb Publishing House introduces the Emergent Bible! This baby is blank from page 1 to page 1659. You don’t have to worry about giving up anything when you follow this version. When approached by a Calvinist concerning the total depravity of man, you can truthfully say that your Bible doesn’t mention depravity. Help an Arminian friend who is concerned about losing his salvation (again). Your Bible doesn’t mention salvation at all. Better yet, write your own text! Divorce, adultery, fornication… no problem! For only $19.95 you can make it up as you go along with the Emergent Bible. Sold everywhere Love Wins, A Generous Orthodoxy, and other such felt-needs classics are sold…  

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Sgt. Relevance


The pastoral team at Seeking Relevance Church donned Sgt. Pepper regalia and quoted Beatles lyrics in an effort to reach their self-absorbed gen X audience. All was going well until Pastor Rob almost choked on a loosened tooth veneer during his “goo goo g’joob” part of I am the Walrus…

 
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Posted by on November 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Road Sign Shows Way to Heaven (Humor)


Emergent road sign shows way to Heaven…

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Expositional Sermonette (Satire)


Emergent Expository Sermonette:

” Wow, man, like Jesus is Awesome. Whoa, dudes, He is killer, man. You know what I mean? It’s like, He’s da bomb and all that. He’s crazzzy, man. Somewhere in the Bible (or maybe it was Joel Osteen’s book) it says something like He don’t care which religion you are from or something like that… He just has an awesome plan for your life and will fulfill all of your dreams, dudes. Now let’s pray…”

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Railroad Crossing (Satire)


Discerning Passenger: Dude, there’s a train coming. Don’t drive onto the tracks!

Emergent Driver: Whoa, man. You are sooo negative! Lighten up, dude. That train is in YOUR reality, not mine. I see nothing but clear blue sky.

Discerning Passenger: Stop, dude! The train will hit us!

Emergent Driver: Your dogmatic, absolute truth stance is the reason you have few friends. Relaaaax, man. Enjoy life…

Discerning Passenger: This is not an opinion, the train is REAL!

Emergent Driver: Dude, truth is only valid if it is well-received by your audience. I am texting pastor Zed to tell him what a zero you are. He says  never let truth get in the way of viewing life through the monist hologram construct where I find my inner peace.

Discerning Passenger: I’m bailing out…

Emergent Driver: You’re stuck in the 1900s, dude. I choose to be relevant to today’s culture……….CRASH

 
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Posted by on October 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Relevance in Action (Humor)


Pastor Bob replaced this week’s sermon with a knife throwing act in order to be more relevant to his flock. His point was to accomplish a dynamic equivalence takeoff on the Word of God being sharper than any two-edged sword. As a side note, P&W singer Sandy Weaver was already dressed to serve as Bob’s assistant  since the musical theme for this week’s service was the Village People…
 
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Posted by on October 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Important! Visit www.apprising.org now!


Go to Ken Silva’s site now to view several expose’ pieces about the emergents and those who promote their deception. Ken does a great job of exposing the seeker and emergent apostates  www.apprising.org . Thanks.

Truthinator

 
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Posted by on September 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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