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Tag Archives: Dispensationalism

Left Behind: A Reformer’s Revenge (Humor)


Ok, Mrs. Jones, the Reformed Bible study is in that room over there but be really quiet when you walk down the hall. There’s a group of Dispensationalists in room 120 and I want them to think the rest of us have been raptured and they’ve been left behind…

 
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Posted by on May 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Dispensational Dan (Humor)


Funny Cry for Help Ecard: ' Smoke on the water, fire in the sky...' Dispensational Dan readies a new song for his Emergent church service...

 
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Posted by on March 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Blame it on the Brain (Humor)


Patron: I’ll have a piece of the J. Vernon McGee Rapturous Raspberry Pie.

Blond Waitress: I don’t believe in the Rapture…I’m a Milli Vanillianist.

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Smoke a Spurgeon (Humor)


Photo courtesy of Calvinistic Cartoons; Caption by Truthinator
 

Don’t get caught on the downgrade with a cheap cigar…elect a Spurgeon Panatela. It never loses its flavor and the aroma is predestined to ward off backsliding to lesser cigars. Once lit always lit… Exercise your free will and enjoy one today. Reform the way you think about cigars. These are the best smokes of this dispensation. Available at better Calvinist humidors near you.

 
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Posted by on September 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Dispensational Malaise in America (Opinion)


Today is September 11, 2011 which is the tenth anniversary of what was apparently a quasi-military attack on US soil. This opinion piece is not about whether this day should be memorialized. Read on…

Dispensational churches across America will fly 100 foot flags today and marching bands will play patriotic tunes while people gather to hear inspirational words. Is this wrong? No. Many need comfort. Even though it has been ten years, the people who lost loved ones will always grieve. There is no statute of limitations on pain & loss.

The issue I seek to raise really has nothing to do with 9/11/01 per se. The issue I have a beef with is that many dispensational churches will go through yet another scheme to draw a crowd today and once drawn, a speaker will deliver a message to them about 3 or 4 steps they can employ to make their lives better here on earth.

Self help, investment portfolio enhancement, marriage improvement, Lexus performance maintenance, and other such important matters will get more attention than the message the church is intended to proclaim unless I miss my guess.

While I do not agree with everything my Reformed friends believe, they will come much closer to getting it right today. Dispensationalism has gone the way of the pragmatic broad road in too many cases. Did Jesus set aside His rightful position in Heaven, come to earth, die, and rise again so that we could put a little spark in our marriages & get optimum performance from our beemers?

The Bible is very clear about what we are to do during this life. Of the activities discussed there, I see very little if anything about structuring this life for optimal enjoyment. Draw crowds if you please but for Christ’s sake, tell them the truth once you get them there.

 
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Posted by on September 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (Humor)


Becky Martin, a 5th grade student at Scofield Christian School, responds with a laugh when asked if the Alexandrian hermeneutic with its emphasis on allegorical interpretation properly dealt with the eschatological challenges of the book of the Revelation…

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Back to the Future (Humor)


Thanks to Scope Features for the image.

Emmet Brown:  Marty, I built a time machine and traveled into the Tribulation..

Marty McFly: Doc, I don’t believe in the Tribulation, I’m a Preterist.

Emmet Brown:  Great Scott, Marty…you need to go back to the future.

 
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Posted by on June 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The Danger of Dispensationalism (Humor)


Dispensationalists get no respect in the blog world. What’s wrong with a little literal interpretation now & then, huh? One day I was walkin’ down the street and this guy asks me about hermeneutics. I say, “I don’t know no Herman from Utica. That’s upstate NY, I live in Jersey…”

 
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Posted by on June 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The Barney Code (Satire)


Andy, I discovered a mathematical code in the Bible that reveals when Judgment Day will occur. First you take the one bullet I have in my pocket and add that to the number of potholes down on Old Gopher Gulch Road then you multiply that by the number of Apostles divided by the 30 pieces of silver and there you have it…  Next Tuesday!

 
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Posted by on May 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Harold Camping…Camping Out on a Limb (again)


An editorial by the Truthinator

All over the news you will see headlines claiming that Harold Camping was wrong again. Yes, he was indeed wrong. However, so is the news media and rabidly reformed people all over the ‘net.

I admit up-front that I am not a Harold Camping fan nor have I read very much of his claims. The little bit that I did read didn’t mention anything about the Rapture occurring on May 21. It said Judgement Day or End of Days or End of Time. I do not believe Camping mentioned the Rapture at all (at least in what I read). As a matter of fact, Camping spent a good number of years in reformed churches!

The rabidly reformed people are claiming this to be proof of the falseness of the belief in a rapture of the Church. Camping’s teachings do not lend themselves to what the Bible teaches in Revelation, Daniel, Matthew, or anyplace else in the Bible that I recognize.

Camping claimed that the end would come on May 21 and total destruction of everything would happen 5 months later. This is taught nowhere in the Bible. Even the reformed wing-nuts (and you know who you are) will admit this.

Dispensationalists believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible except where obvious hyperbole and symbolism are used. The Tribulation period of 7 years will be preceded by a Rapture of the Church. Christ will come back after the Tribulation and establish His Kingdom from an earthly perspective that will last 1000 years. Then there will be a final rebellion followed by the ultimate end of time as anyone on earth knows it.

Dispensationalists do not believe what I have read of Harold Camping’s teachings. Don’t fall for the rabidly reformed blogger’s claims that Camping’s failure destroys Dispensationalism. They need to get out of their parent’s basement and read their Bibles a little more closely.

Camping is a nut. Case closed. The media and many reformed basement bloggers need to do their homework. The Rapture does not equal Judgement Day or the End of Times.

Another good rule of thumb is to stay away from those who set dates. No one has ever been correct at attaching a date to any part of future things…

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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