Announcing Truthinator’s Blog Hotline (Humor)

“Truthinator’s Blog Hotline, May I help you? No, no, no…you can’t lose your salvation or even put it aside willingly. How could you do something to lose what you could not do anything to gain? Stay away from those Arminians…”

 

How Do You Like Your Eggs? (Humor)

Three friends of different theological persuasions were having breakfast. The Open Theist ordered scrambled eggs, the Calvinist ordered hard-boiled eggs, and the semi-Pelagian ordered fried eggs and insisted he help cook them…

 

Thanks to all Who Visit (Humble Gratitude)

Thanks to all of you who visit and who post from time to time. You guys make this worthwhile. I hope we are getting something done that is worthwhile as well. As a token of my gratitude, have a TULIP…

 

Amy Raldian the 4-Pointer (Humor)

Meet Amy Raldian the 4-pointer. She came out for a visit to Truthinator’s Blog headquarters recently. We tried our best to convince her to accept the 5th point but our talks soon went to the dogs after she smelled a set up. Her bark was worse than her bite even though we still have a bone to pick with her… 

 

Prairie Protestantism (Humor)

Dean:  I’m as mad as a wet prairie dog. That  gunslinger in the saloon called me a septuagenarian & I’m not even 40…

Ricky:  Calm down, Dean. What he called you is a semi-pelagian.

John:  Ah yes, those who think they can make the first move in seeking God for salvation. It is a heresy that robs God of sovereignty.

Dean:  Well now I’m really steamed because I am a 5-point Calvinist and I keep a pot of TULIPs on my mantle at all times…

 

Don’t Monkey Around with the Faith (Humor & Truth)

All that is needed for Reformation Christianity to reunite with Rome is for discerning, believing people to be silent…

 

Graceful Gump (Humor)

Drill Sgt: “Gump, Why do Arminians believe they can lose and regain their salvation when the Bible clearly teaches that God keeps His own secured by His Grace?”

Forrest Gump: “Momma always said, ‘Stupid is as stupid does’, Drill Sgt”.

 

Smoke a Spurgeon (Humor)

Photo courtesy of Calvinistic Cartoons; Caption by Truthinator

 

Don’t get caught on the downgrade with a cheap cigar…elect a Spurgeon Panatela. It never loses its flavor and the aroma is predestined to ward off backsliding to lesser cigars. Once lit always lit… Exercise your free will and enjoy one today. Reform the way you think about cigars. These are the best smokes of this dispensation. Available at better Calvinist humidors near you.

 

Coming Soon: Forrest Gump 2…The TULIP Code (Humor)

Coming soon to the big screen, it’s Forrest Gump 2… The TULIP Code.

 In the sequel to the 1994 boxoffice hit, Forrest Gump, we find that after Forrest accidentally turned over some test tubes in a lab thus inventing a cure for most diseases, our main character is off to Switzerland to study Theology.  While studying the writings of John Calvin, our hero telephones Lt. Dan and tells him about a secret code found inside Calvin’s works. The code revealed the tulip industry in Holland was actually an evangelical technique employed to spread Calvin’s 5-points concerning the doctrine of election… 

This sure-to-be blockbuster stars Tom Hanks, Gary Sinise, and features a posthumous cameo by Tiny Tim singing Tiptoe Through the TULIPS…

Don’t miss it when Lt. Dan says, “Take the TULIP or you will be pushing up Daisies…” and when Forrest says, “Momma always said that Total Depravity applies to almost everybody…”  

Run out and see this movie…

 

Supralapsarian & Son (Humor)

You big dummy, just because God knew about man’s impending fall does not make Him responsible for it. I ‘ve told you about watching those TV preachers with your Aunt Esther…