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Tag Archives: Brian McLaren

New Seeker Sensitive Church Plant Idea (Satire)


 

Introducing the newest and most effective Seeker Sensitive Church Plant idea ever! For only $19.95, you can become a senior pastor of your own Roller Coaster Church Plant. Kit includes construction plans for a roller coaster, signs for posting on uphill portion that give short limerick-style false Gospel presentation, closed circuit camera for capturing photos of the coaster riders with their hands raised thus becoming members of your church plant, and “Carnal Christian” t-shirts to give each rider as they exit the roller coaster so they won’t worry about knowing they are no different than when they got on. Order now and you will also get a nose piercing, crown of thorns tattoo, and an authentic pair of skinny jeans so you will rock their world. Those who order within the next 15 minutes will also receive a “John Piper says I am Doctrinal & Sound” bumper sticker and a “What Would Rick Warren Do” bracelet. Hurry! Place your order now!

“Why didn’t I think of this…every seat is an anxious bench” Charles Finney

“This idea is doctrinal & sound.” John Piper  

“Sometimes, placing a person’s butt in a roller coaster seat and vowing not to let them get off until they make a decision for Christ can move a heart when the Gospel cannot.”  Rick Warren 

“Roller coasters are confusing…who can know what they mean?”  Brian McLaren

 
5 Comments

Posted by on August 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Exegetical Preaching (Satire)


“All we are is just a…another brick in the wall.”

 
4 Comments

Posted by on April 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Lunacy (Satire Replay)


The ministry team at Surgir Locura (formerly First Baptist Mennonite Church before converting to Emergent philosophy) donned pantomime regalia and performed a dynamic equivalence interpretation of 2Corinthians 12:7 to the tune of Poison’s rock-n-roll ballad Every Rose Has a Thorn… No one in the audience understood let alone gained any benefit from the dramatic display, however, the church was able to find a use for the white gloves they purchased for the handbell choir in 1968… 

 
 
Image borrowed from www.thereformedtraveler.wordpress.com . Caption by Truthinator. 
 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Airlines (Satire)


“Tower, this is Emergent Airlines flight A29 from Seattle to Grand Rapids and it appears the airport is upside down. Please rotate immediately…”

When you’re Emergent, if you don’t like what you see, you can redefine it!

 
6 Comments

Posted by on September 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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I Have a Question on the Campus Crusade for Christ to Cru Change (Opinion)


I have noticed that not very many blogs have addressed the topic of Campus Crusade for Christ changing their name to Cru so as not to offend. Why is this? I’m not sure.

Anyhoo, here is my take. Are they bad folks? Probably not. Is it wrong for them to do ministry under a new name? No. Did they fumble the ball when trying to do PR about their name change? ABSOLUTELY.

Here is how I got there. They whole info download about their decision to change their name smelled like low tide at the docks. Their spokesman said they changed their name because Campus and Crusade were causing them problems when trying to minister to people. I have two major problems with this.

1) If Campus and Crusade were the offenders, then why did they leave out Christ? (cue the crickets) There is no answer other than maybe they simply forgot to include Christ when they coined a new name. Probably not that one. So was it really Christ that was the offender and they were too lily-livered to admit it? This is what I fear is the correct answer. I hope I am wrong.

2) When choosing a new name sans Campus and Crusade (and Christ for that matter), why on earth would they choose Cru? This makes no sense whatsoever. Cru is simply short for crusade… Duh!

There are several possibilities as to why things happened the way they did. The one I fear is their leadership may have been taught and/or influenced by the pragmatic seeker friendly and Emergent under tow that has captivated the apostate church.

Many, many folks have been influenced by the potentates of pragmatism. You will catch more flies with honey than vinegar is the common thought. Hogwash! You are not catching anything. If people are being caught so to speak for God’s kingdom, He is doing it. Your pragmatic showmanship and Drucker-styled leadership isn’t doing a thing but deceiving you if you are on the pragmatic bus.

How on earth or in Heaven can you better represent Christ without His name than with it? SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR ME.

And when you answer, please quote God and not Rick Warren, Robert Schuler, or Brian McLaren…  I’ll be waiting.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on August 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Bakery (Satire Re-post)


      
  
Guy: I would like a muffin, please, do you have any?
 
Emergent Baker: One can never be sure…
 
Guy: Do you have a banana nut muffin?
 
Emergent Baker: That sounds a little dogmatic to ask if I have one. I prefer to have a conversation about muffins.
 
Guy: Uh, you sell muffins, right?
 
Emergent Baker: We provide an atmosphere where people can safely explore whether they can perceive if muffins exist without the ridicule and legalism of the traditional bakery.
 
Guy: Do you know how to make muffins…do you have a cookbook?
 
Emergent Baker: I prefer to meditate about the ingredients that make up a holistic muffin in my mind’s eye. We do not use that old, outdated, tradition-steeped cookbook used by the irrelevant traditional bakers. We prefer the Purpose Driven Chef and Your Best Baking Now. These offer much less restrictions to our sense of self expression in the kitchen. They also boost our sense of self-importance.
 
Guy: Look, spaceman, do you have a muffin or not?
 
Emergent Baker: That is not the real question. The real question is how to meet your felt need of desiring a muffin. We have found that replacing the tired old order & serve process with drama, relevant FM-type radio music, and impressive-looking teenage bakers calms the customers and keeps them coming back.
 
Guy: Coming back for what? I need something to eat!
 
Emergent Baker: There you go again. Your mentality is the reason why most traditional bakeries have gone out of business.
 
Guy: Never mind, I will get a pack of crackers at the office… A bakery that doesn’t bake is worthless!
 
3 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Bible (Humor)


First, there was the Living Bible, then the Message, now B.L.Z. Bubb Publishing House introduces the Emergent Bible! This baby is blank from page 1 to page 1659. You don’t have to worry about giving up anything when you follow this version. When approached by a Calvinist concerning the total depravity of man, you can truthfully say that your Bible doesn’t mention depravity. Help an Arminian friend who is concerned about losing his salvation (again). Your Bible doesn’t mention salvation at all. Better yet, write your own text! Divorce, adultery, fornication… no problem! For only $19.95 you can make it up as you go along with the Emergent Bible. Sold everywhere Love Wins, A Generous Orthodoxy, and other such felt-needs classics are sold…  

 
4 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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