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Tag Archives: Brian McLaren

New Seeker Sensitive Church Plant Idea (Satire)


 

Introducing the newest and most effective Seeker Sensitive Church Plant idea ever! For only $19.95, you can become a senior pastor of your own Roller Coaster Church Plant. Kit includes construction plans for a roller coaster, signs for posting on uphill portion that give short limerick-style false Gospel presentation, closed circuit camera for capturing photos of the coaster riders with their hands raised thus becoming members of your church plant, and “Carnal Christian” t-shirts to give each rider as they exit the roller coaster so they won’t worry about knowing they are no different than when they got on. Order now and you will also get a nose piercing, crown of thorns tattoo, and an authentic pair of skinny jeans so you will rock their world. Those who order within the next 15 minutes will also receive a “John Piper says I am Doctrinal & Sound” bumper sticker and a “What Would Rick Warren Do” bracelet. Hurry! Place your order now!

“Why didn’t I think of this…every seat is an anxious bench” Charles Finney

“This idea is doctrinal & sound.” John Piper  

“Sometimes, placing a person’s butt in a roller coaster seat and vowing not to let them get off until they make a decision for Christ can move a heart when the Gospel cannot.”  Rick Warren 

“Roller coasters are confusing…who can know what they mean?”  Brian McLaren

 
5 Comments

Posted by on August 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Exegetical Preaching (Satire)


“All we are is just a…another brick in the wall.”

 
4 Comments

Posted by on April 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Lunacy (Satire Replay)


The ministry team at Surgir Locura (formerly First Baptist Mennonite Church before converting to Emergent philosophy) donned pantomime regalia and performed a dynamic equivalence interpretation of 2Corinthians 12:7 to the tune of Poison’s rock-n-roll ballad Every Rose Has a Thorn… No one in the audience understood let alone gained any benefit from the dramatic display, however, the church was able to find a use for the white gloves they purchased for the handbell choir in 1968… 

 
 
Image borrowed from www.thereformedtraveler.wordpress.com . Caption by Truthinator. 
 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Emergent Airlines (Satire)


“Tower, this is Emergent Airlines flight A29 from Seattle to Grand Rapids and it appears the airport is upside down. Please rotate immediately…”

When you’re Emergent, if you don’t like what you see, you can redefine it!

 
6 Comments

Posted by on September 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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I Have a Question on the Campus Crusade for Christ to Cru Change (Opinion)


I have noticed that not very many blogs have addressed the topic of Campus Crusade for Christ changing their name to Cru so as not to offend. Why is this? I’m not sure.

Anyhoo, here is my take. Are they bad folks? Probably not. Is it wrong for them to do ministry under a new name? No. Did they fumble the ball when trying to do PR about their name change? ABSOLUTELY.

Here is how I got there. They whole info download about their decision to change their name smelled like low tide at the docks. Their spokesman said they changed their name because Campus and Crusade were causing them problems when trying to minister to people. I have two major problems with this.

1) If Campus and Crusade were the offenders, then why did they leave out Christ? (cue the crickets) There is no answer other than maybe they simply forgot to include Christ when they coined a new name. Probably not that one. So was it really Christ that was the offender and they were too lily-livered to admit it? This is what I fear is the correct answer. I hope I am wrong.

2) When choosing a new name sans Campus and Crusade (and Christ for that matter), why on earth would they choose Cru? This makes no sense whatsoever. Cru is simply short for crusade… Duh!

There are several possibilities as to why things happened the way they did. The one I fear is their leadership may have been taught and/or influenced by the pragmatic seeker friendly and Emergent under tow that has captivated the apostate church.

Many, many folks have been influenced by the potentates of pragmatism. You will catch more flies with honey than vinegar is the common thought. Hogwash! You are not catching anything. If people are being caught so to speak for God’s kingdom, He is doing it. Your pragmatic showmanship and Drucker-styled leadership isn’t doing a thing but deceiving you if you are on the pragmatic bus.

How on earth or in Heaven can you better represent Christ without His name than with it? SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR ME.

And when you answer, please quote God and not Rick Warren, Robert Schuler, or Brian McLaren…  I’ll be waiting.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on August 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Bakery (Satire Re-post)


      
  
Guy: I would like a muffin, please, do you have any?
 
Emergent Baker: One can never be sure…
 
Guy: Do you have a banana nut muffin?
 
Emergent Baker: That sounds a little dogmatic to ask if I have one. I prefer to have a conversation about muffins.
 
Guy: Uh, you sell muffins, right?
 
Emergent Baker: We provide an atmosphere where people can safely explore whether they can perceive if muffins exist without the ridicule and legalism of the traditional bakery.
 
Guy: Do you know how to make muffins…do you have a cookbook?
 
Emergent Baker: I prefer to meditate about the ingredients that make up a holistic muffin in my mind’s eye. We do not use that old, outdated, tradition-steeped cookbook used by the irrelevant traditional bakers. We prefer the Purpose Driven Chef and Your Best Baking Now. These offer much less restrictions to our sense of self expression in the kitchen. They also boost our sense of self-importance.
 
Guy: Look, spaceman, do you have a muffin or not?
 
Emergent Baker: That is not the real question. The real question is how to meet your felt need of desiring a muffin. We have found that replacing the tired old order & serve process with drama, relevant FM-type radio music, and impressive-looking teenage bakers calms the customers and keeps them coming back.
 
Guy: Coming back for what? I need something to eat!
 
Emergent Baker: There you go again. Your mentality is the reason why most traditional bakeries have gone out of business.
 
Guy: Never mind, I will get a pack of crackers at the office… A bakery that doesn’t bake is worthless!
 
3 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Bible (Humor)


First, there was the Living Bible, then the Message, now B.L.Z. Bubb Publishing House introduces the Emergent Bible! This baby is blank from page 1 to page 1659. You don’t have to worry about giving up anything when you follow this version. When approached by a Calvinist concerning the total depravity of man, you can truthfully say that your Bible doesn’t mention depravity. Help an Arminian friend who is concerned about losing his salvation (again). Your Bible doesn’t mention salvation at all. Better yet, write your own text! Divorce, adultery, fornication… no problem! For only $19.95 you can make it up as you go along with the Emergent Bible. Sold everywhere Love Wins, A Generous Orthodoxy, and other such felt-needs classics are sold…  

 
3 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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How Much Cultural Contextualization is Too Much?


You hear it said all around you these days. “We have to broaden our appeal if we are to reach our culture.” ” We have to be relevant if we are to reach our community.” Ok, so far so good. However, the devil is in the details (so to speak). How far can you go in broadening your appeal or being relevant without going too far?

I studied for and received an MBA degree several years ago. I had been studying the seeker and emergent programs for about 8 years prior. I was surprised to find that the methods used in marketing & advertising of consumer goods are the EXACT SAME ONES being used by many of the new-fangled church growth programs.

Let me count the problems with this.

1) God and His word is not a consumer good that can be judged on the basis of the presumed merit in the mind of a shopper. The church attenders assume the posture of consumers and they demand to be entertained or they will simply move on to the next supplier.

2) People cannot be influenced to ‘accept’ God or to ‘make a decision’ for God. Examples where people were manipulated into joining a church instead of being saved show that simply joining a church results in a falling away very soon afterwards. Often, the people are disillusioned and bitter for having been ‘sold a bill of goods’ by a religious system. Contrast this to people who hear God’s word and cry out to Jesus for salvation. They persevere in the faith.

3) Worldly people who are lured into a church because of world-mimicking gimmicks do not last very long in that church. Statistics tell us this fact. The reason for this is that the church is a poor substitute for the flesh-satisfying lies of the world. A flesh-lite substitute will soon be replaced by a fully flesh-satisfying vice provided by the world.

There are more items but this should suffice for this discussion.

So, when the church promotes gimmicks in order to increase their attendance, exactly whom is being fooled? I am afraid the church is the one being fooled. God builds His Church. His sovereign gift of salvation by grace through faith in His Son Jesus is the only “process” that is valid. God directs, we respond. God transforms, we conform to the image of Christ (slowly over time).

So how much cultural contextualization is too much? The amount that confuses the issue of sovereignty.

Never give people the wrong impression of who is God and who is not. Expound upon the greatness of God. Tell God’s WHOLE story. Some people’s lives will be changed. We were never called by God to sharpen His brand. He needs no spiffing up to be marketable in 2011. God is as Relevant now as when He created everything.

 
5 Comments

Posted by on May 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Farewell, Mark Driscoll? Not yet but getting closer…


Another Addendum:

As I continue to come across Driscoll’s teachings, I see that in some places he states a very traditional interpretation of Acts and of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. At other times he says confusing things about the gifts being fully functional today as they were in Acts. I conclude the difference to be a clumsy method of conversational speech. He seems to employ a very conversational form of speaking. Lacking formality could explain why he seems to contradict himself.

Addendum: New Information

I continue to seek information on Mark and his charismatic stance. He sometimes seems quite charismatic even claiming to hear an audible message from God (according to one source http://adrianwarnock.com/2008/07/toam08-mark-driscoll-doctrine-of-holy/ ). He also distances himself from some charismatics at times.

I continue to be somewhat concerned at his sometimes crass and crude manner of speaking when he is preaching but that is another topic. I still see him as claiming to believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit as employed by the Apostles continuing to function today which is a clear break from mainstream reformed and dispensational circles.      End of Addendum

An editorial from the Truthinator…

Mark Driscoll (aka the cussin’ preacher) has been a star of the young and of the reformed of all ages for years now. He’s hip, relevant, and downright cool if you go for that alternative, grungy look in a preacher. He looks like a 35-year-old who is trying to look like a teenager with the oh-so-predictable t-shirt, blue jeans, and hair that is scrunched up in the front. More importantly than his style preferences is his coarse talk from the pulpit that has raised more than a few eyebrows. Style is not necessarily wrong and Driscoll is certainly not the only style-centric preacher out there; the coarse talk thing is, well, concern-causing shall we say but not today’s topic.

The whole ‘relevant’ thing and coarse talk are topics of discussion for another day but I want to address what Mr. Driscoll believes. Afterall, what he believes should be the reason people flock to him or run away from him, right? I’m sure he’s a nice guy, he loves his family, he wants what is best for his church and so forth. No one is saying he is corrupt or evil. But what does he believe?

I heard him say in an unedited clip exactly what he believes. He distanced himself from Brian McLaren, Doug Pagitt, and Rob Bell which is good. He said he has no part in the Emergent Village which is also good.  He said he stood with the reformers and called out John Calvin and CH Spurgeon’s names for added emphasis. He said he identifies with John Piper, JI Packer, and others. I do not see eye-to-eye with the reformed perspective people on Revelation or Israel but otherwise they are pretty good on God’s sovereignty and a Christian’s life of faith. No huge problem so far.

My main problem with Driscoll’s beliefs lies in the next tidbit of information he revealed. He said he is fully charismatic and believes all of the Apostolic gifts are fully functional today. Woe, what? You’ve got to be kidding me, Mark. All of the Apostolic gifts are fully functional today? You just alienated yourself from most if not all of the reformers you previously mentioned. I don’t understand how he got to this point of belief and I will continue to look for deeper explanation from him but I have to say beware. Beware of anyone who claims the Apostolic gifts are fully functioning today.  This is dangerous ground of incomplete understanding. I can’t say that Driscoll is totally off-base because I haven’t studied him in-depth but I do say there is reason to be concerned. Let’s continue to look for more info about his charistmaticism and continue later.

What are your thoughts on Driscoll?

 
15 Comments

Posted by on April 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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It’s The Emergent Church As We Know It…and it feels fine (Satire)


Do you guys remember the song by REM called “It’s the end of the world as we know it”? I have written a little ditty that has a similar tune… 

 

Brian McLaren, Rob Bell

Universalism, no Hell

replace the Bible, PDL

appearance fees, sell sell

no hymns, praise band

nobody takes a stand

it’s the Emergent Church as we know it and it feels fine…

 

Mark Driscoll, soul patch

cussin’ preachers, there’s a catch

Calvinism?, no match

Neo-reformed?, down the hatch

Doug Pagitt,  what a shame

Everyone’s afterlife turns out the same?

It’s the Emergent Church as we know it and it feels fine…

 

Rick Warren, on the mound

Jonas Brothers, provide the sound

felt needs, no Bible found

what happened to dinners on the ground?

curve balls, to the flock

Angel Stadium, God is mocked

it’s the Emergent Church as we know it and it feels fine…

 
3 Comments

Posted by on March 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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