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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Things Have Certainly Changed (Humor)


1960s Worship Leader thinking to himself: “I wonder if I should go with Fannie Crosby,     Martin Luther, or John Newton for the music for Sunday’s service?”

2010s Worship Leader thinking to himself: “I wonder if I should go with AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, or Black Sabbath for the music for Sunday’s service?”

 
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Posted by on August 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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New Seeker Sensitive Church Plant Idea (Satire)


 

Introducing the newest and most effective Seeker Sensitive Church Plant idea ever! For only $19.95, you can become a senior pastor of your own Roller Coaster Church Plant. Kit includes construction plans for a roller coaster, signs for posting on uphill portion that give short limerick-style false Gospel presentation, closed circuit camera for capturing photos of the coaster riders with their hands raised thus becoming members of your church plant, and “Carnal Christian” t-shirts to give each rider as they exit the roller coaster so they won’t worry about knowing they are no different than when they got on. Order now and you will also get a nose piercing, crown of thorns tattoo, and an authentic pair of skinny jeans so you will rock their world. Those who order within the next 15 minutes will also receive a “John Piper says I am Doctrinal & Sound” bumper sticker and a “What Would Rick Warren Do” bracelet. Hurry! Place your order now!

“Why didn’t I think of this…every seat is an anxious bench” Charles Finney

“This idea is doctrinal & sound.” John Piper  

“Sometimes, placing a person’s butt in a roller coaster seat and vowing not to let them get off until they make a decision for Christ can move a heart when the Gospel cannot.”  Rick Warren 

“Roller coasters are confusing…who can know what they mean?”  Brian McLaren

 
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Posted by on August 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Differing Perspectives (Humor)


 

Q: What does the Reformed Presbyterian pastor see? A: A blind man with a helping dog.

Q: What does the Evangelical Free Church pastor see? A: A blind man with a helping dog.

Q: What does the Southern Baptist pastor see?  A: Two visitors to be counted for attendance, and if we can get them to raise their hands, two new members!

 
5 Comments

Posted by on August 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Limericks Over Liturgy (Satire)


 

The young Seekermergent pastor wore a t-shirt each Sunday morning that said, “Limericks over Liturgy…because sometimes a catchy little poem about a little old lady from Dublin can move a heart when the Gospel cannot.”

 
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Posted by on August 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Truthinator:

Another wonderfully poignant post brought to light for your edification by my friend, Michael.

Originally posted on A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®:

Matt Papa has an interesting articleon Contemporary Christian Music (CCM). It begins with a a person, a golden target audience prototype…

Meet Becky: She’s a 38 year old soccer-mom with 3 kids.  She drives a mini-van, because if she didn’t, well where would she put all the crayons and goldfish?  She is a loving wife and mother and is actively involved at her church.  She lives in the suburbs but volunteers at the local food pantry.  Becky is pretty awesome.  And one more important detail about Becky…..she listens to christian radio exclusively.  Yep, that’s right.  And you actually already know her.

Becky isn’t one person of course…she is the prototype target audience created by the christian music industry for christian radio.  True story.  She’s been around about 6 or 7 years now.  Christian radio demographic research discovered that “Becky” is the one who is listening, so “Becky” is the…

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4 Comments

Posted by on August 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

 


Truthinator:

Interesting post. Please consider it and the comment(s) posted below.

Originally posted on A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®:

What would it be like if Satan took over a city? A very interesting thought here:

Over a half-century ago, Donald Grey Barnhouse, pastor of Philadelphia’s Tenth Presbyterian Church, gave his CBS radio audience a different picture of what it would look like if Satan took control of a town in America. He said that all of the bars and pool halls would be closed, pornography banished, pristine streets and sidewalks would be occupied by tidy pedestrians who smiled at each other. There would be no swearing. The kids would answer “Yes, sir,” “No, ma’am,” and the churches would be full on Sunday … where Christ is not preached.

Not to be alarmist, but it looks a lot like Satan is in charge right now. The enemy has a subtle way of using even the proper scenery and props to obscure the main character. The church, mission, cultural transformation, even…

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2 Comments

Posted by on August 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Famous Quotes Never Spoken (Humor)


 
4 Comments

Posted by on August 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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No Shirt, No Shoes, No Bible…No Problem (Sarcasm)


 
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Posted by on August 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Let the Games Begin (Sarcasm)


The self-proclaiming superheroes of the Discernment Blogging world gathered outside Tim Challies’ office to contend for the #2 most popular position in their ranks… there is sure to be much bloodshed because “God helps those who defame, insult, and deride others to get to the top.”  (sarcasm)

 
5 Comments

Posted by on August 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Welcome to the Consumer-Driven American Church (Satire)


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll have a half reformed protestant, somewhat mystical Roman Catholic, partially pragmatic, culturally relevant, post-evangelical latte…

 
5 Comments

Posted by on August 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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