[I modeled this after the comic genius of "What it was was Football" by Andy Griffith and I mean for it to poke some sarcastic fun at the ridiculousness of the Seeker/Emergent Church. Read with your best Southern accent, Ya'll]
Monthly Archives: September 2011
Items needed for church in the 1950s: Bible, notepad, advanced study prep, suit
Items needed for church in 2010s: Earplugs, 3D glasses, flashlight, popcorn
Photo courtesy of Calvinistic Cartoons; Caption by Truthinator
Don’t get caught on the downgrade with a cheap cigar…elect a Spurgeon Panatela. It never loses its flavor and the aroma is predestined to ward off backsliding to lesser cigars. Once lit always lit… Exercise your free will and enjoy one today. Reform the way you think about cigars. These are the best smokes of this dispensation. Available at better Calvinist humidors near you.
“Tower, this is Emergent Airlines flight A29 from Seattle to Grand Rapids and it appears the airport is upside down. Please rotate immediately…”
When you’re Emergent, if you don’t like what you see, you can redefine it!
A group of church elders (all in their 20s) interviewed a candidate for senior pastor. They asked about the experience of the man who replied that he had 30 years of expositional Bible teaching experience and that many had been saved & discipled under his watchcare.
Yawning, the chair of the elders replied, “Look Dude, that’s sort of impressive and all but here at Elevation Station (formerly Calvary Baptist before converting to Emergent) it’s all about the beer, the bling, and the Bon Jovi. It’s about stage lights, big screens, and decibels. It’s about rocking, rejoicing, and recreation. We need someone who can relate to our community… how much beer can you drink? Can you keep your sermonettes to under 15 minutes? “
The Bible teacher quietly left the building …