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Monthly Archives: July 2011

Monergist PI (Humor)


Higgins:  Magnum, I have decided to work in sync with God to bring about my justification.

Magnum:  Higgins, you must drop those Anglican roots of yours and receive God’s sovereign grace. Are you familiar with the Solas?

Higgins: Yes, the Solas are members of my polo club…

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Debt Ceiling (Sarcasm)


Man:  Hey, what’s that on the ceiling?

Another man:  That’s our national debt…

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Campus Crusade for Christ Kicks Jesus to the Curb (Op-Ed)


Campus Crusade for Christ kicks Jesus to the curb in order to broaden their appeal… Go figure. So, are they community organizers now or what?

CCC changes their name to Cru. The reason given is that the name Campus Crusade for Christ offends some. Wow, I wonder if being ashamed of Jesus’ name offends Him. Oh wait, it does! Jesus said if anyone is ashamed of Him before men He will be ashamed of them before the Father (Luke 9:26, Mark 8:38).

Exactly how does a group reach out to others for Jesus while being ashamed to admit they work for Him? Inquiring minds want to know.

Check out the full story by following this link http://dailycaller.com/2011/07/22/campus-crusade-for-christ-adopts-a-more-sensitive-name/ .

This kind of stuff riles the Truthinator (as if you didn’t already know). How can someone represent Christ and apologize for His name at the same time? I suppose CCC is in stealth mode now. Isn’t this what the Emergents began their heretical movement by doing? Weren’t they the ones who immediately changed the names of the churches, dismissed all of the staff, and ran off the elderly members so they could apostasize churches all over the world? I believe this is exactly how it started.

I’m not suggesting that CCC or Cru or Happy Times Community Organizers or whatever they are called has become Emergent but it does make me wonder if they are on the slippery slope.

The new downgrade takes another victim? Hopefully not. But hey, the Bible offends people too. Will they stop telling people the truth in order to “help” them in greater numbers? Think about it.  

Does anyone else hear that knocking sound? Is it Jesus trying to get back into the inside of Christian organizations?

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Bakery (Satire Re-post)


      
  
Guy: I would like a muffin, please, do you have any?
 
Emergent Baker: One can never be sure…
 
Guy: Do you have a banana nut muffin?
 
Emergent Baker: That sounds a little dogmatic to ask if I have one. I prefer to have a conversation about muffins.
 
Guy: Uh, you sell muffins, right?
 
Emergent Baker: We provide an atmosphere where people can safely explore whether they can perceive if muffins exist without the ridicule and legalism of the traditional bakery.
 
Guy: Do you know how to make muffins…do you have a cookbook?
 
Emergent Baker: I prefer to meditate about the ingredients that make up a holistic muffin in my mind’s eye. We do not use that old, outdated, tradition-steeped cookbook used by the irrelevant traditional bakers. We prefer the Purpose Driven Chef and Your Best Baking Now. These offer much less restrictions to our sense of self expression in the kitchen. They also boost our sense of self-importance.
 
Guy: Look, spaceman, do you have a muffin or not?
 
Emergent Baker: That is not the real question. The real question is how to meet your felt need of desiring a muffin. We have found that replacing the tired old order & serve process with drama, relevant FM-type radio music, and impressive-looking teenage bakers calms the customers and keeps them coming back.
 
Guy: Coming back for what? I need something to eat!
 
Emergent Baker: There you go again. Your mentality is the reason why most traditional bakeries have gone out of business.
 
Guy: Never mind, I will get a pack of crackers at the office… A bakery that doesn’t bake is worthless!
 
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Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The Emergent Bible (Humor)


First, there was the Living Bible, then the Message, now B.L.Z. Bubb Publishing House introduces the Emergent Bible! This baby is blank from page 1 to page 1659. You don’t have to worry about giving up anything when you follow this version. When approached by a Calvinist concerning the total depravity of man, you can truthfully say that your Bible doesn’t mention depravity. Help an Arminian friend who is concerned about losing his salvation (again). Your Bible doesn’t mention salvation at all. Better yet, write your own text! Divorce, adultery, fornication… no problem! For only $19.95 you can make it up as you go along with the Emergent Bible. Sold everywhere Love Wins, A Generous Orthodoxy, and other such felt-needs classics are sold…  

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Tis so Sweet to Tweet… (Humor)


 

Piper:   I just tweeted, “Farewell, Rob Bell”. If you don’t distance yourself from those new-age Bhagwans you consulted for your diet plan, you’re next…

 
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Posted by on July 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (Humor)


Becky Martin, a 5th grade student at Scofield Christian School, responds with a laugh when asked if the Alexandrian hermeneutic with its emphasis on allegorical interpretation properly dealt with the eschatological challenges of the book of the Revelation…

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Relevance Revisited (Post-modern Fact)


Relevance:

If you’re not tellin’ me what I want to hear then you’re not relevant to my culture…

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Shiver me Timbrels (Humor)


The contemporary praise band received a call from the senior pastor asking them to come prepared to soteriologically inspire but due to static on the call what they heard was to come dressed in scallywag attire…

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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I Heard a Great Sermon (Sarcasm)


Wow, that was a great sermon by Pastrix Oprah this morning. I wasn’t aware that I could be such a great global citizen by changing to the new, energy efficient light bulbs…

 
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Posted by on July 13, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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